[sherg]

I'm listening to Elvis and being ok. The party was fine and I got 50€ from relatives. Now I wonder if I should just save it or buy something... like a new winter jacket. Or jeans.

We watched Generation Kill last yesterday with Tanja and it was great! Oh what nice characters and brilliant dialogue. Luff luff... Feeling a bit fangirly about it, yes.:D

Over and out.

Ha haa I just wanted to post this one icon I found today when browsing through LJ.

Isn't this just pure love?xD



I don't who made it so no credits this time.


After a few hours I'm off to my parent's place to celebrate me and my mother's graduation.  I'm now Bachelor of Arts and she's landscape developer (or something like that). I have to admit I'm feeling a bit stressed by the party although I was the one who wanted to have it and invite relatives. Ah well..

I have my first crisis phone duty next Wednesday with another volunteer worker. I think slowly I'm starting to prepare myself mentally for the challenge. I just really hope I can cope with the school and voluntary work and then I'd really take some time for myself next week also. And you know, just sit and watch TV the whole evening.:)

And gosh, they canceled the gig of The Capital Beat and The Valkyrians. Wäää ._. Luckily they're still coming here but only in January.

Wehaa! Banzai and then some. Next week.. I promise to take it slow.^^

L

I've been thinking lately... Why have I changed so much this autumn? Yes, I have changed. I've become more the person I'd like to be. Now why is that?

I think it started last spring. After being disappointed in love again it hit me. I just have to stop searching all the time and concentrate on the most important human being in my life.. and that's me. I thought there was someone missing in my life and that made it incomplete somehow. That I could make it whole by adding a person to the picture who would make it all better.

Because I didn't get job I was just hanging around the whole summer. Sunbathing, grilling, meeting friends... going to summer cottages all over the country. And just generally having fun and enjoying life as it came. After a few months of that it really started to feel like it'd be fun to go back to school and to lessons. My life would go back to order and I could see the people coming back to Joensuu, the city would start living again.
The time has gone so fast! It's almost November and it feels like the school just started! And gosh... I've felt so.. alive.

I've started a course of voluntary work - something I've always wanted to do but never had the courage to begin. After the course I'll do crisis work at the nationwide crisis phone. Basically people with crisis or other problems call there, for example if they're feeling lonely, if they have love problems or if they encounter violence or they have suicidal thoughts. Pretty deep shit in other words but for me it feels very important and meaningful. I'm excited that I was accepted to the course and that I can do this kind of important work... but quite scared at the same time. This will truly make me grow as a person.

Then other thing I've surprised myself - I've started to go to the gym. And spinning. Gosh... I've always loathed sports for all the competitiveness and putting people in order by their physical skills. But after my lower back started to ache and I remembered that I have minor scoliosis I started to think that now is the time to build your muscles so you wouldn't suffer awfully when you're old and wrinkly. So I went to the local gym and had myself a exercise program made and now it's twice a week gym and once a week spinning for me. ... What the hell, when did this happen?:D When did I become this person?

So.. Seeing friends, fooling around, going to movies, making food together, going to clubbing and bars, going to see gigs.. Going to voluntary work. Going to gym and torturing my body. (Masochist in me actually enjoys.)
Now it feels like I don't need anything or anyone else anymore, that my friends and family are more than enough to make me happy. I have tons of school work to do, more than ever but I'm still feeling the warmth of the summer in my body and still flying high. I just am so god damned H A P P Y all the time that it makes me wonder if this is sane anymore. And if I'll fall to depression after this. But no.. I've bounced back after every stressful day and dark moment.

And now when I don't look for anything or anyone anymore people keep coming to me and show their interest. Is it this inner contentment that glows and attracts people or what? But yeah.. I'm not complaining.:) My low self-esteem enjoys. (I've met someone but it's still so fresh I don't want to tell you about it yet. I'm not sure how I feel but he's being good to me, yes.) I even go shopping these days, try on some clothes and note that hell, I don't need these to make me look better. I look so damn good already.

:D

This is crazy but true.

Yeah. So.. One summer/autumn picture to end this
Today we made sushi and miso-soup with bunch of friends and it was sooo good. Wasabi and soy-sauce is a match made in heaven.

Ok. This is enough.
Bye.:)

L

Hello world.

How are you?

I'm fine, thanks.

And I frigging LOVE my life right now.

Everything is well. I am happy. My friends are happy. I feel no regret. There is nothing you could add in this picture for it is perfect as it is.

Yours sincerely,

L

I should be reading because I have an exam next Monday (that's after two days, people!) but no, I'm sitting here, updating my F-secure, reading LJ after a small pause, wanting to play Wow but can't because it'd take the whole night and trying to ignore the exam book on my table, still knowing I have to read about 50+ pages tonight. It's been a long time since my theory books have tasted this bad. Most of the time I have no friggin' idea what Ulin is trying to say about different approaches to symbolic and interpretative anthropology and rationality. Too abstract for my brains. And then there's Geertz and his "The Interpretation of Cultures", nice little package of 453 pages. Luckily I don't have to read everything. I have no idea how my exam's going to go, it's the last one of my Candidate's degree and worth of 8 study points and SHIT why did I again had to leave this reading part to the last couple of days?

</exam panic>

It's autumn. Really guys, what happened?

Now when I look back and think about the summer I get a pretty positive picture in my head. I got to do lots of things this year because I didn't have a summer job - first time in years. This was a true holiday for me. Either way I learned that when you have a job and you get money you have no time to spend it with your friends and when you do have the time and no job you don't have money to go and see your friends.
But all in all this was great summer, there were hot days (remember, at the beginning of June), I got tanned, I went to some summer cottages and saw a few summer theaters and festivals, visited Tallinn, Helsinki, didn't argue with my parents (too much) and just relaxed, saw my friends, swam and enjoyed myself. I also painted and wrote but just for fun, no pressure to get anything ready on time.

Actually after such a long pause it's actually great that school starts next month. All the people come back to the city and clubs start playing and having artists and bands. I'm already looking forward on this year's Rokumentti which is a rock document festival and I have a ticket on Disco Ensemble's gig. Ah little joys of life..
And even when I have to go my gradu seminar it's not the end of the world. Actually I think I'll enjoy writing more about my subject. ... What on earth am I saying, have I gone mad?:D For my advanced special studies I'll start reading woman studies and hopefully get better grasp of gender research. Just have to get through the basics, the professors is said to be quite boring.


For some reason I wouldn't want this to end.. It's such an important time of your life.. to study, meet new and old people at the uni, go to events and just generally live with heck of a low budget. I think that when I get a proper day job the value of money will permanently and irreversibly change. I earn more -> I spend more and items I must have just keep getting more and more expensive. I've noticed that I have a tendency to want more that delightful thing of stuff. Clothes, make-up, hair-do, restaurant visits, books, cds, dvds.... bed linen. Yes, I have a thing for nice sheet! And I'm afraid that this desire for more will never end.

This troubles me but stuff makes me happy and when you're addicted to something it's damn hard to change. Still in future I'd like to work for World Food Program, Red Cross or Amnesty. Would someone please send me to Africa so I would learn how little my own problems and how selfish my needs are? I think I need the wake up call.
I've had these thoughts for a while now. Then I met two Somalian asylum seekers last week. Two girls, age of 15 and 17. They had applied for asylum nine months ago and they were still waiting for the decision. Nine months without parents or family or information about your future in the middle of country with such a different culture and language. And still they had the energy to smile. We plucked some currants and then we made sushi. Their Finnish was amazingly well. I hope they're granted asylum and that they can educate themselves as they please.

</personal and world anger>

Lots of thoughts... I still want to play Wow. My F-secure is still trying to update, I fear the program is stuck. And the book. It's. Still. There.

Ah. I end with a quote of the two first sentences of the first page of my exam book:

In her book, Philosophy in New Key, Susanne Langer remarks that certain ideas burst upon the intellectual landscape with a tremendous force. They resolve so many fundamental problems at once that they seem also to promise that they will resolve all fundamental problems, clarify all obscure issues.

Clifford Geertz: The Interpretation of Cultures (1973)
Chapter I /Thick Description: Towards an Interpretive Theory of Culture

Was that a good ending?
Well that's my life at this very moment.

yours sincerely,

L

Everything is well.

I got tagged by fonulyn

SO.
Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.
1. Go to your desktop and press the Print Scrn key (located on the right side of the F12 key).
2. Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, or Photoshop) and doing a Paste (CTRL + V)
3. Post the picture on your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop if you want. You can explain why you prefer such a look or why it is full of icons. Things like that. (If you want to know more, feel free to ask.)
4. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktops as well.


(clickity click)

*The most used things are Mozilla, FirstClass (which is our local mailbox-system) and Spotify. Now-a-days I rarely download anything because of the glory of Spotify so Limewire and Soulseek are pretty jobless.
* Then of course Wow... Loving it, not playing much anymore tho'. I thought I'd go crazy on it during the holiday but no.. Maybe because one month's payment is already half prize of new Sims3 that I must have. It's just so expensive.-_-
* The icons on the right are photos that I'm thinking about editing and publishing on Deviant. Maybe. They are there because I haven't decided are they worthy.:D
* Little bar on the right corner is Word's language bar. It was needed when I had to write essays and stuff for our Japanese class.
* The wallpaper is rather new. I took this photo last weekend on Ilosaari. This is from Saturday, the last act on the main stage was PMMP. Here's Paula singing and a few boys of the band. It was great live.


The whole weekend was great! The best rock festival I've ever been. Perhaps it was the performers that made it so fantastic. I've never jumped and danced so much on a festival like that. The three best ones were Dizzee, Huoratron and Röyksopp, they really made my heart skip a beat or few.

Dizzee Rascal was sooo good and the whole tent was full and the people were so on with it. Grime is love and their bass was pure ecstasy! On one point it wasn't hip hop or grime anymore but trance and all the boys and all the girls were jumping and dancing. His future single Holiday sounded very good. Have to have it.

If someone was expected it must have been Huoratron (could be translated as Whore-a-tron). His performances are very rare in Finland because the guy usually just tours on Europe&Asia. Yeah well.. I don't how to describe it. Grindcore sounds very violent and mean and dark and the atmosphere on the dance floor is fantastic. Not to mention Aku Raski is the hottest guy alive! Why didn't anyone tell me beforehand?? He sure does make life interesting. The downside is that it's difficult to find any of his albums. I assume he's been sold out long time ago.

When talking about dancing and jumping I mean that kind of activities where you don't enter to your co-raver's personal space. But when it was time for Röyksopp to come on stage all that kind of courtesy was gone. People were jumping and pushing and collapsing on each other and to the fence. Someone jumped on my foot and my heel ended up bleeding. It was hot and sweaty and boys were lucky for they could take their shirts off. It was like on big ORGY I say. And they were so good! Unbelievable. I mean... Eple, Poor leno, The girls and the robot, Happy up here and Miss it so much. Aarrhh.xD I don't have any pictures of them because I was so busy having fun and trying to stay alive and that says a lot.

Aww.x) Electro has eaten my life. But three gigs like that during two days. It's enough, I can't take more. Dizzee was first and then I could still jump the whole hour. Same day after 45 minutes of Huoratron it started to feel like I was getting tired. The next day on Röyksopp.. well I was danging but no jumping no. I'm getting old. My next birthday I'll be 23 and it's time to officially start the age crisis. Because 23 can be rounded up to 25 and that can be rounded up to 30 and that a lot! Shit.

Well well... Sunny day. I want to go to the beach.

Peace out.

L